The Policeman’s Other Log
Would you think less of me if I told you that I once appeared in the Police Log? I ask only because that youthful misdeed, and its subsequent enshrinement in the local thug archives was immensely educational. At the time, I was a city boy, unschooled in suburban ways and had no idea that anyone wrote about crimes that had no guns or black people involved.
In the years since, I’ve become something of a police log connoisseur, plowing through the countless DUIs to savor the occasional 209A or serial vandalism. After gambling, the police log is one of my favorite things. In fact, if I could bet on the police log, I’d get the same smug thrill your average man gets watching television in a bar. If I could bet on the police log while lying in bed, eating, I’d never leave the house.
But now that I’m a bona-fide newspaperman, I have a responsibility to get “behind the news” and give my faithful readers the real story. And the real story with the police log is that there’s a lot more crime than you ever see in the log, because the log goes through an editorial filter. My inside sources, though, have given me access to the unedited log and it’s a real eye-opener. Here are a few of the entries the powers-that-be have been hiding from us:
Friday
11:49am 3A at First Parish. Caller reports man lying in street. Officer Boats reports in with one PC. Character, Historic, 37, of Hingham Center wanted on default warrant out of Hingham DC - Forgery, Obstruction of A Public Way, Public Nuisance.
1:33 pm Hatherly Rd. Caller reports car stopped in middle of road. Officer Less reports operator, 96, of Oceanside Drive, “forgot where he was going”. Driver promises to keep moving at, or slightly below, posted speed until he remembers.
Saturday
4:40 pm Kent at First Parish. Multiple callers report traffic blockage. O/Boats reports this as two station wagons trying to make U-turns from the curb on opposite sides of Kent after 4 o’clock mass. Duty wrecker called. Crowd dispersed.
5:00 pm Turner Rd at Oceanside. Caller reports people making noise on the beach. Further reports this to be strange, wet people in bathing suits.
5:01 pm Turner Rd. Caller reports children walking in the street, laughing. O/Boats reports dispersing group of three youths.
5:02 pm Hatherly Rd at Standish. Multi-vehicle MVA. O/Less reports four minivans collided as they raced for the last open parking space at Sam’s. Duty wrecker called.
Sunday
7:30 am Foam Rd. Caller reports noise of a jet plane landing next to his house. O/Boats reports this to be cars idling in Flynn’s parking lot.
7:31 am Edward Foster Rd. Caller reports yard sale patrons making “insulting” offers and refusing to leave. O/Less reports in with two in custody, V. and R. Mohr of Clifton Ave, charged with Early-Birding and Lowballing.
10:47 am Front St. Caller reports black person on street. All units responding.
10:49 am Front St. O/Boats reports alleged black person actually Hispanic. Let go with warning.
Monday
7:20 am Seaview Ave and Barker Rd. Caller reports group of youths gathered at corner. O/Boats reports group of rowdy pre-schoolers dispersed.
7:21 am Seaview Ave. Caller reports man in blue car approached children waiting for school bus and told them to “move along”.
9:30 am Hatherly Rd. Proprietor of Sam’s Variety reports Keno riot in progress. O/Less reports that customers became unruly when the next number failed to appear on screen. All parties promise to “settle down”.
9:50 am Hatherly Rd. Proprietor of Sam’s reports Keno number still hasn’t appeared. Wants SPD to clear store.
10:00 am Harbor. Caller reports unauthorized boat on mooring. Harbormaster notified.
10:05 am Harbor. Harbormaster reports that boat belongs to mooring holder’s great-great-grand-nephew twice removed, and there’s “nothing he can do”.
10:35 am Harbor. Previous caller reports that “someone sank my boat” as it sat on a mooring. Harbormaster notified.
1:00 pm Beaver Dam. Caller reports that someone has parked a boat on his lawn. O/Less reports that boat owner responds “It’s a big lawn - what’s he complaining about?”. Both parties advised of recourse through the courts.
3:29 pm Kent St. Caller reports man putting returnables in the recyclable bin at the dump. O/Less reports perpetrator GOA.
3:31 pm Cole Parkway. Caller reports youths “skating loudly”. O/Less reports five youths summonsed for violating local bylaw against making noise on Cole Parkway. One youth in custody on default warrant out of Hingham DC for Questioning the Existence of the Historic Character of Hingham Center. Details in NPL.
3:33 pm Kent St. Caller reports same man as previously reported now putting obviously worthless lawn furniture in the Take It Or Leave It pile.
4:00 pm Library. Caller reports group of children reading quietly. O/Boats reports group dispersed, parents notified.
7:00 pm Cole Parkway. Caller reports members of notorious Latin Kings youth gang intimidating passersby with Spanish insults. All units responding.
7:02 pm O/Boats reports alleged Latin Kings are actually B.C. High Latin club. Two in custody, charged with Speaking A Dead Language on Cole Parkway.
7:02 pm Barker Rd and Scituate Ave. Caller reports two vehicles stuck at a stop sign waving each other on. O/Boats reports in with two in custody charged with illegal parking and Orderly Conduct.
7:30 pm Gannett Rd. Caller reports unwanted guest refuses to leave. O/Boats reports this to be a Republican presidential candidate looking for votes. Party agrees to leave premises.
7:37 pm Third Cliff resident reports someone is pasting Buchanan stickers all over her yellow, campaign lawn signs. Reported for the record. Detectives notified.
7:55 pm Country Way. Caller reports prowler on premises. O/Boats reports this to be same Republican presidential candidate. One in custody, charged with Trespassing, Populism, and Refusal to Go Along.
8:01 pm Brockton Ave. ADW. Character, Historic, 37, of Hingham Center reports Brockton Ave resident assaulted him with a word processor. Officer Brown reports in with local writer in custody.
Next week, readers will get a chance to play my favorite game - “Name That Town!” - where I pick a set of police log entries, and you tell me which town each one came from. Winners receive a free slagging at the drinking establishment of their choice. A bonus question to warm you up: if people from Boston are Bostonians, does that make us Scituations?
John Rodley is a local underworld figure, who once appeared in the Cohasset police log for driving his motorcycle in a schoolyard on a Sunday afternoon. The remainder of his life of crime has gone unreported, except on The Scituate Page at http://www.channel1.com/users/ajrodley/Scituate
Steve, if you could format the log entries in the log entry font that would be really cool. In fact, I think the Policeman’s Other Log could be a regular column all by itself.
Possible pull-quotes:
If I could bet on the police log while lying in bed, eating, I’d never leave the house.
7:30 pm Gannett Rd. Caller reports unwanted guest refuses to leave. O/Boats reports this to be a Republican presidential candidate looking for votes. Party agrees to leave premises.
11:49am 3A at First Parish. Caller reports man lying in street. Officer Boats reports in with one PC. Character, Historic, 37, of Hingham Center ...
9:30 am Hatherly Rd. Proprietor of Sam’s reports Keno riot in progress.
7:02 pm Barker Rd and Scituate Ave. Caller reports two vehicles stuck at a stop sign waving each other on.